You know when you catch yourself saying something like:
“I’m just not a morning person.”
“I’m a procrastinator.”
“I’m not a strategic thinker.”
We say these things so casually.
Sometimes we even say them with a little pride.
But here’s the thing. Those words are powerful.
Because the more often we say something about ourselves, the more we start to believe it.
And the same thing happens with the people we work with.
“She’s our creative person.”
“He’s the numbers guy.”
“She’s not very detail-oriented.”
“He’s great at strategy, but not execution.”
They may start as observations.
But over time, they can become identities.
And identities are much harder to change than behaviors.
So how do we stop these labels from becoming limiting? Here are three ways to start.
#1: Separate the person from the behavior.
There’s a big difference between:
“I’m a procrastinator.”
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and
“I’ve been procrastinating on this project.”
One describes who you are. The other describes something you’re doing.
The same thing happens when we’re talking about other people.
“He’s not organized” feels permanent.
“He’s struggling to keep track of competing deadlines” gives us something to work with.
One is a label.
The other is a problem we can solve.
Pay attention to how often you turn a behavior, habit, or challenge into a description of who someone is.
Because once we’ve decided “that’s just how they are,”…
…We stop looking for ways they can change.
#2: Watch out for the positive labels too.
This one is easy to miss.
Because some labels sound like compliments.
“She’s our creative person.”
“He’s the visionary.”
“She’s the one who’s great with clients.”
But even positive labels can pigeonhole people.
If Sarah is “the detail person,” guess who gets every project that requires attention to detail?
Sarah.
Meanwhile, other people don’t develop those skills, Sarah gets overloaded, and she may not get opportunities to do the strategic work she’s interested in.
The same thing happens with “the creative one,” “the tech person,” or “the person who’s great at putting out fires.”
Before long, we’re not just describing someone’s strengths.
We’re deciding what they should and shouldn’t do.
#3: Leave room for people to surprise you.
Think about someone on your team you’ve worked with for a while.
What have you decided about them?
- Maybe they’re “not a big-picture thinker.”
- Maybe they’re “not ready to lead.”
- Maybe they’re “quiet in meetings.”
Now ask yourself:
Is that who they are? Or is that what I’ve experienced from them so far?
There’s a big difference.
People change.
Skills develop.
Confidence grows.
And sometimes people simply need the opportunity to show us something we haven’t seen before.
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This applies to ourselves too.
Instead of saying, “I’m not strategic,” try:
“I haven’t developed that skill as much as I’d like to.”
Instead of,
“I’m terrible at delegating”
“I’m working on getting better at delegating.”
That tiny shift in language leaves the door open for growth.
The Bottom Line
Words don’t just describe our reality.
They can shape it.
The labels we repeat influence:
- What we expect from ourselves
- What we expect from other people
- And even the opportunities we give them
So this week, pay attention to the words that come after:
“I’m…”
“She’s…”
“He’s…”
“They’re…”
Especially when you’re talking about strengths, weaknesses, and performance.
Ask yourself:
Am I describing what I’m seeing right now, or am I deciding who this person gets to be?
Because sometimes changing what happens next starts with changing the words we use today.
Mridu
P.S. If you have a great team and know they could be even stronger with the right development, I’d love to help. From managing time and energy more effectively to strengthening communication, leadership, and performance, explore my training programs here.
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